The Freeze Response: The Most Misunderstood Survival Mode

Freeze Response is the Survival Response Nobody Talks About

“The body responds long before the mind catches up.” — Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

Most people are familiar with “fight or flight.” But fewer understand the freeze response, despite how deeply it shapes the lives of trauma survivors.

As a grief guide, somatic wellness specialist, and trauma-informed doula, I’ve seen how freeze is often dismissed, pathologized, or labeled as laziness. In truth, it is a wise biological strategy, one that emerges when the nervous system detects no safe way to fight or flee. It is the body’s way of preserving energy, shielding itself, and surviving what feels impossible to survive.

If you’ve ever gone numb in grief, spaced out under stress, or felt unable to move forward while everyone else seemed fine, you’ve likely experienced freeze.

And it deserves your understanding, not your shame.

What Is the Freeze Response?

The freeze response is part of our autonomic nervous system’s built-in defense system. It’s often referred to as the dorsal vagal state, a branch of the vagus nerve that governs immobilization and energy conservation.

When you freeze, your body may:

• Feel numb or “far away” from sensation

• Become quiet, still, or paralyzed

• Go blank mentally, like a fog has descended

• Struggle to speak, move, or make decisions

• Feel like a ghost in your own body

This state is not a failure to act. It’s a survival reflex that kicks in when the brain believes:
“It’s not safe to fight. It’s not possible to flee. The best I can do is disappear.”

How Freeze Response Is Misunderstood

Unfortunately, freeze is often misread by others—and even by ourselves.

Common misunderstandings include:

• “You’re just lazy”

• “You don’t care”

• “You’re being difficult”

• “You’re not trying hard enough”

• “You’re stuck in grief because you won’t move on”

These misconceptions breed internalized shame, especially for trauma survivors and grievers. People often say, “What’s wrong with me?” when in fact, nothing is wrong, something very old and intelligent is at play.

Freeze isn’t apathy. It’s protection.

RESOURCE: The Lesser-Known Behaviors Due To Your Trauma (Freeze)

Freeze Response and Developmental Trauma

For many adults, the freeze response has roots in childhood.

When children grow up in environments of chronic stress, neglect, emotional abandonment, or unpredictable attachment, freeze becomes the only available safety mechanism.

It becomes normalized.

Then, in adulthood, especially after a profound loss or trauma, the body may return to freeze not because the present moment is dangerous, but because the body remembers a time when it was.

This is why grief and freeze often go hand in hand. Grief reopens the body’s oldest pathways of survival.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s Insights on Freeze Response

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, reminds us:

“When you’re traumatized, you feel chronically unsafe inside your body.”

According to van der Kolk:

• The freeze response is stored in the autonomic nervous system, not the conscious mind

• You can’t “think” your way out of freeze, it requires bottom-up regulation

• Healing happens through movement, rhythm, presence, and somatic reconnection

The body doesn’t thaw because you force it to.
It thaws because it learns that it’s safe enough to soften.

Gentle Somatic Practices to Get Untuck from the Freeze Response

You don’t need to leap into action. In fact, pushing too hard too fast can retraumatize. The key is tiny, loving invitations back into the body.

Here are somatic exercises I share with clients:

• Orienting: Slowly look around your space. Notice light, texture, temperature, shapes.

• Grounding objects: Weighted blankets, warm tea, a textured stone, or soft scarf or feather

• Micro-movements: Contract a body part & release, wiggle toes, tap fingers, stretch your neck gently

• Release exercise: EFT, long sighs, Kirtan Kriya meditation, drumming or gong meditation

• Rhythmic cues: Rocking in a chair, gentle humming, or walking in the forest alone

• Celebrate micro-wins: Even getting out of bed or taking a breath is progress

These aren’t about doing more. They’re about reclaiming felt safety, one sensation at a time.

RESOURCE: Are You Stuck in Freeze Mode? How to Turn off the Freeze Response

The Role of a Trauma-Informed Grief Guide or Doula

In my work, I never force action or bypass stillness.

A trauma-informed approach honors freeze as a sacred pause, not a barrier. It invites healing through co-regulation, gentle pacing, and attunement to the body’s cues.

As a doula and guide, I:

• Track signs of shutdown (flatness, silence, breath holding)

• Normalize the freeze state and its origins

• Provide permission to go slow, no urgency, no fixing

• Offer safe relational presence as a counterpoint to isolation

Healing begins where safety is restored.

Reframing Freeze Response with Compassion

Let’s be clear:

• You didn’t freeze because you’re weak.

• You froze because you’re wise.

• Freeze is a form of self-protection, not a flaw.

If your body needed to shut down, that means it was trying to keep you alive, at a time when it had no other option.

Now, your healing is not about rejecting that frozen self. It’s about welcoming them home, offering warmth, and showing them: “It’s safe now. We don’t have to hide.”

From Freeze to Flow, One Gentle Step at a Time

You are not broken.
You are not lazy.
You are not stuck.

You are surviving in the most brilliant way your body knew how.
And now, with gentleness and guidance, your body can learn to move again.

Even the tiniest thaw is a triumph.
Even the stillness holds wisdom.
And every breath you take is a quiet act of returning.

If this resonated with you…
Know that your freeze is valid, your grief is real, and your healing does not have to be rushed.

I’m here to walk with you, at your pace, in your rhythm, toward your wholeness.

You are safe to soften.

Written by Sabrina Steczko
Certified End-of-Life Doula | Trauma-Informed Grief Coach | Somatic Wellness Specialist | Mental Health Advocacy